Keep Your Circle Small – Proverbs 18

Recently, I reached out to a couple of former students and asked them what they wish I would write about.  These two girls are freshman in high school, and are the kind of young women who I admire.  They both get excellent grades.  They participate in school activities, and function in those activities at the top of their game.  They are kind, and loving, and beautiful.  They dress appropriately, and I have never heard either of them cuss.  They are the kind of young women that I wish I had been at that age.

They were excited to help me out and sent me a couple of ideas.  I really wanted to hit on a topic that would resonate with kids that are of that age.  Kids that are leaving middle school, entering high school, and becoming who they want to be instead of who they think the world expects them to be.

After a couple of messages back and forth, we landed on the perfect topic.  One that resonates with them very deeply, but that I believe still affects people at my age.  

That topic is keeping your circle small.  The question is this:  Should I be concerned if I only have one or two friends?  Do I need to have a huge circle of friends to “win at life”?

So today’s blog is an attempt to dig into that very topic.  As I begin writing, I am in the same situation as every time I sit down to write….. I don’t know what this will become.  I don’t know what God will inspire me to write.  The words begin to flow out my fingertips and on to this Google Doc.  When I finish, I hope these words inspire and affirm my two biggest fans, and I hope they also inspire and affirm anyone else that may read this.  So!  Girls, here is my Mom Talk about keeping your circle small.

I remember it so clearly, the sick feeling in my gut the moment I realized my confidence had been betrayed.  I had trusted her with my pain.  I had shared my very vulnerable and broken heart, in hopes that she would understand, that she would comfort, that she would support me in what was one of the darkest seasons of my life.  Then I got the note: I heard about all you have been through.  Please reach out if you need anything.  My heart breaks for you, and I will be praying for you.

I’m sure you are thinking the obvious: Why would a lovely note like that make you sick in your gut? How could there possibly be anything bad about someone offering support and prayers in a time of need?

The reason it made me sick is because that note came from a complete stranger.  A stranger that a close friend of mine and I had met at a meeting.  Someone whose name I cannot even remember because our encounter was so brief that I am honestly not sure she even told me her name.  

And yet, my close friend was now delivering this note after sharing ALL of my personal details with this woman.  It seems that after I had left the meeting, my friend dove into all the dirty details of my life with this table of women.  The result was a note offering love, support, prayers and more betrayal than I had ever experienced in my life.

Friend.  There is a word with a million meanings, right?

If you Google the word friend, you will find seven different meanings, including my personal favorite “a person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side”.  A friend is a person who is not an enemy.  Are you kidding me??  The only thing you have to do to be considered my friend is to not be my enemy?  No wonder I was in a predicament with the note from the stranger.  I had trusted someone that I thought was my friend, but it turns out she was just “not an enemy”.

Y’all, get ready to stand up and shout. Because when I say what I am about to say, you will get ALL KINDS OF FREE!!  Ready?!

You. Don’t. Have. To. Be. Friends. With. Everybody.

Read that again……  And again….. And again…….

I know that right now there are preschool, kindergarten, and elementary teachers, and school guidance counselors all over that are shaking their heads at me.  I know you were taught growing up that you had to be friends with everyone.  I know that deep in your heart, you WANT to be friends with everyone….. If only they would act like a dang friend!

I am sitting on this green couch, in my sunroom, with my Rose Gold Macbook Air in my lap today for one purpose and one purpose only, to tell you that your preschool teacher was wrong.  You DON’T have to be friends with everyone.

All you have to be is “not their enemy”.  But my definition of “friend” goes deeper than just not my enemy.  Honestly?  I don’t know if I even have any enemies besides Satan.  I can’t think of a single person past or present that I would qualify as an enemy, but “friend”?  The list of people I would actually give the label “friend” to is a very, very, I mean very short list.

I keep my circle small, folks!

And you know what?  I have proof that keeping your circle small is Biblical.  Ready?  Read Proverbs 18: 24 “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

See what it says:  it talks about unreliable friends… plural…. friends, as in a lot of them.

But the second half of this verse talks about “a friend”.  Singular.

For all my former English students, I am about to take you back to middle school with a little lesson in grammar.  All of you know that grammar is my FaVoRiTe, and that I love teaching grammar so much that I get a little sweaty when I’m teaching real good, so here it goes!

Singular Noun….. Just one noun.

Plural Noun….. Many nouns.

Anyone who paid attention in my class, probably just did the hand actions to go with that little chant, didn’t you?  Ha!!  I knew those hand actions would stick with you for your whole life!  And you thought they were silly……

But I digress…..  The Bible says that unreliable friends (plural)  lead to ruin.  A friend (singular) sticks closer than a brother.

Do you know who that one friend who sticks closer than a brother is?????  Jesus! 

If you live your life, keeping Jesus as your best friend, then you will steer clear of that ruin the verse talks about.  Jesus will keep you safe.  Jesus will tell you whom to hang out with and whom to back away from slowly.  Jesus will teach you how to live your life in a way that honors your Father, God. Jesus will be there when things are going well and when things are not going so well.

Do you know that Jesus also kept his circle small???  He did!  Let’s take a look at Jesus’ friend group:

The only people that Jesus really gave his personal time to were his disciples.  Sure, he gave moments to the crowd because that was his calling, but the moments where Jesus was tired, weary, or hungry, or just wanted to have some fun dancing at a wedding…. those moments were only shared with his disciples.  If you are a Bible person, at all, I’m sure you can tell me that he had 12 disciples.  That is 12 friends.

Now, if you are like me, you are thinking, “12 friends is a lot!  I don’t have 12 people that I can call friends!”  Agreed.  12 is a lot.  12 is too much.  

I have an answer for this dilemma:  Did you know that within those 12 there were three whom scholars believe were Jesus’ BEST FRIENDS? That’s right.  There were three disciples that Jesus didn’t just share his tired, weary, hungry, and fun with.  There were three that he shared EVERYTHING with.  They were his inner circle.

The disciples whom Jesus brought into his inner circle were Peter, James, and John.  How do we know?  Well, for starters, John called himself “the one whom Jesus loved.”  Keep in mind that the only place in the Bible where John is called that is in the book of John, which was written by…… you guessed it, John!

John believed that Jesus loved him more than anyone.  There are some scriptures that point to that kind of close friendship, but maybe we shouldn’t just take John’s word for it.  Maybe, for the sake of due diligence, we take a look at facts.

The fact is, if you are best friends with someone, if they are truly part of your inner circle, there will be things in your life that you share with them, and them alone.  You will be vulnerable and open and honest with them, trusting that they will be careful and respectful with the access you gave them.

If Peter, James, and John are really in Jesus’ inner circle, there had better be times where those three had access to Jesus’ most personal moments.  A time where nobody else, not even the other nine disciples, had access to Jesus.

Welp!  I have good news for you!  The Bible has three  examples where Peter, James, and John have what I call “Level 10” access to Jesus’ life.  It has exactly ZERO examples of anyone else having that kind of access.  These three men were brought into some of Jesus’ most personal moments.  I’ll save you the time Googling these, and I’ll just tell you about them.

1. In Mark 5 and Luke 8 the same story is recorded.  It is the story of how Jesus raised a little girl from the dead.  That’s pretty personal, folks!  He allowed only Peter, James, and John, and the girl’s parents to be in the room when he performed his first resurrection recorded in the Bible.
2.  In Matthew 17, Mark 9, and Luke 9 the same story is also recorded of Jesus taking his “inner circle” up to a high mountain where he met with Moses and Elija.  Now remember that these two men had been dead for a LOOOONG time.  It was a miracle that they were there.  And in the process, Jesus began to glow like a “brilliant white light”.  Y’all….. He met with dead guys and glowed like a spotlight.  That’s pretty personal stuff.
3. Finally, my favorite moment.  In Matthew 26 Jesus is experiencing his last night of freedom before being tortured and eventually crucified.  Keep in mind that Jesus knew exactly what was about to happen.  He was scared and didn’t really want to do it.  He asked God to “take this cup from my lips” if God could.  He prayed until he was sweating blood. It was his darkest moment.  And who do you suppose Jesus invited to go with him to the Garden of Gethsemane?  Peter. James. John. His inner circle was there in his darkest hour.  

Jesus gave those three men Level 10 access to the most personal parts of his world.

Sooooooo…… I ask you this: If Jesus felt it was important to only allow three people to have Level 10 access to his life, why are you running around giving Level 10 access to everyone you consider “not your enemy”?

You shouldn’t be giving Level 10 access to everyone.  I have something that I remind myself of often, and it goes like this, “I will only give Level 10 access to those who have demonstrated Level 10 trust.”  You may want to evaluate who you trust, and then make some decisions about who needs to have their “all access pass” revoked.

I have a little activity for you to do.  Follow along with me, so that you can make clear decisions about who is in the “inner circle”, who is in the “friend group”, and who is the “crowd”.

https://bobbiejo.co/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Keep-Your-Circle-Small-Proverbs-18-1.pdf

The spot in the middle is your “God Spot”.  That is the center of everything you do, believe, think, and feel.  That is your most important friend.  That is the “friend who sticks closer than a brother.”  That never changes.  That is the ONLY permanent position in your life.

The next level out is your “inner circle”.  You can add one to three people to that circle.  You are not allowed to have more than three people in your inner circle.  If Jesus could only handle three close friends, then you absolutely cannot handle more than three.

Your inner circle is your people. The ones that get to be at your first resurrection, your transfiguration, and your last night on earth.  They have Level 10 access to your life, not because they want it and not because they sit in a position in your life that culture will tell you automatically qualifies them. They sit in that seat because they have EARNED it by being the most trustworthy people in your life.  You would literally tell them 99% of the things you are going through.  The remaining 1% belongs to God, and they would NEVER dream of asking you to give them anymore than you are already giving.

So write one, two, or three names in the “inner circle”.

The next circle is the “friend group”.  This is the group of people you have fun with. They are trustworthy. They love and encourage you.  They are at the top of your list of people to call if you have a flat tire, need help with homework, or just want to go hang out on a random Friday afternoon.  You love them, trust them, and they never take more than they give back to you.  Your “friend group” has somewhere between Level 5 and Level 9 access to your life.  They know some stuff, but they don’t know it all, and they shouldn’t.  Remember: Level 10 access belongs to your “inner circle”.

I left room for six for the sake of space on the page, but because Jesus had nine disciples in the “friend group”, you could list up to nine.  I would be careful, however.  You don’t have to have nine.  Maybe two or three is enough, and that is perfectly fine.

Go ahead and write between two and nine names in your “friend group”.

Now here comes the part that you have been waiting for……. Everyone else you know…. Everyone else….. Everyone outside of the three “inner circle friends” and the nine “friend group friends”…… all those people you are thinking about right now?  They are all just part of the crowd.

The crowd is not a bad place to live.  In fact, the crowd fits the dictionary definition of friend, “not your enemy”.  According to Google, the crowd is your friend, they just don’t have Level 10 access to your life.  They don’t even have Level 5-9 access.  They are the people that, for whatever reason, have Level 4 or less access to your life.  

The crowd may or may not have your phone number.  They may or may not know where you live.  They don’t get invited to your birthday party……. know what I mean?

Let them be in the crowd.  You don’t have room in those circles for any more than 3-12 people TOTAL, so you have to be serious about this.  Move the crowd to the outskirts of your life.  It has to be that way.  Not because you are mad at them and not because they have done anything wrong.  You just don’t have room for more.  

Jesus limited his life to 12.  You need to do the work of becoming more like Jesus, right?  Isn’t that our calling?  To become like Jesus?

1 John 2:6 says, “ If we say that we are living in God’s true way, then we must live in the way that Jesus lived.”

If you truly want to be a God Following Christian, the Bible says that you must live in the way Jesus lived.  That means that if Jesus had room in his life for 12 or less friends, then you need to hold yourself accountable and live the way Jesus lived. 

Get serious about who you let into those circles.  Get serious about being intentional in whom you tell everything to. Get serious about who you spend time with.  Get serious about keeping that circle small.  If you do, then you are becoming more like Jesus, and that’s the ultimate goal.  To be as much like Jesus as we can be.

I have two more quick points to make:

1. When you push some people to the “crowd” spot, they aren’t going to like it.  They have been happily feasting on the best portions of your life, just like my friend who betrayed me to a stranger.  Don’t let it bother you.  They will eventually either get over it, or leave.  Honestly?  If the crowd leaves, who cares?  I’m sure that when Jesus was preaching to the crowd, some of them didn’t like what he was saying and left.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say that Jesus begged anyone to stay.  Be like Jesus.  Let them go.
2. The people that are in your inner circle and your friend group will change.  It is just part of life.  Depending on the season of life you are in, it may be that those people will fall away soon.  It may mean that they change levels. It may mean that as you grow, your friend group adjusts with you.  Like your favorite shoes in second grade.  If you insist on wearing those hot pink, Dr. Martin boots the rest of your life, it won’t be good.  They don’t fit and they look silly with your scrubs at the hospital when you are a grown nurse.  Let the circles change and move.  My best friend in elementary was Julie.  She is a wonderful and incredible woman.  A wonderful and incredible woman that I haven’t seen in decades.  My best friend in high school was Kerrie.  She is a wonderful and incredible woman.  A wonderful and incredible woman that I only keep up with through Facebook.  My best friend in college was Angie. She is a wonderful and incredible woman….. Get my point?  The circles will change as you change.  It’s okay to leave the table.  No hurt, no regret, no shame, just growth.

Welp!  Girls…. I hope this did what you hoped it would do for your spirits.  I hope these words have reassured you that keeping your circle small is not only a good idea, but it is also Biblical.  Keep that friend group small.  Keep that inner circle even smaller.  And for goodness sakes, keep that God spot right in the middle of it all, right where He belongs.

Now go get after it, everyone!!  You have some hard things to decide.  You may have some changes to make.  You may have to endure some disappointed (possibly hostile) crowd members (John 7 has a story about the crowd getting hostile with Jesus), but it is all worth it to be like Jesus in the end.  With Jesus as your best friend, how can you go wrong?!

Go have a great day on purpose!

Hug your inner circle!

Call your friend group to hang out this weekend!

And….. for goodness sake…. Stop worrying so much about the crowd.

Xoxo.

B